Dogs are better than men because:
1) They don’t have problems expressing affection in public.
2) They look at you when you talk to them.
3) They never laugh at how much you throw the ball to them.
4) They don’t fall about laughing when they break wind.
5) They can’t wait to go for a walk with you.
6) They think you are a culinary genius.
7) They mean it when they kiss you.
8) They don’t demand that you dress in fishnets and high heels.
9) They don’t have a mid-life crisis and abandon you for a younger owner.
10) They can be neutered legally.
Dogs are better than women because:
1) They find you fascinating when you’re drunk.
2) They don’t want to know about other dogs you’ve had.
3) They don’t snap when you refuse to ask for directions.
4) They never ask if you think their bum’s too big.
5) They like it when you leave your underwear on the floor.
6) They don’t notice if you call them another dog’s name.
7) They don’t mind if you give their offspring away.
8) They don’t expect a call when you’re late (in fact the later you are the more excited they are to see you).
9) They don’t cry for no reason.
10) They can’t talk.
The Bluffer’s Guide to Dogs is available now via Amazon. Woof woof.