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The Queen - not amused

At some point, everyone needs to bluff it to make it. To prove our point, we ask celebrities about their biggest bluffs. Approach the bench…


HM @Queen_UK is the undisputed Queen of Twitter, author of Gin O’Clock (available now from Amazon) and writer of Yes Ma’am (premiering on Yahoo! Screen on 15 November). www.gin-oclock.com

Have you ever gotten something for nothing?

Yes, one has received all sorts of gifts from various visiting heads of state over the years. Colonel Gaddafi gave one a camel once but one managed to offload it as a Christmas present for the Queen of Spain. And of course one got Gary Barlow for nothing for one’s Diamond Jubilee concert outside the Palace last year. God love him, he’s the Bob the Builder of music.

To whom, or what, do you owe your big break?

Oneself. And Twitter. One’s got sixteen sovereign nations on the go and a faith to defend and all manner of other things to attend to, but it was those nice people at Twitter who allowed one to break free into the virtual world.

Where and when was the last time you felt entirely out of place?

One attended a Cabinet meeting at Downing Street last year for the first time since Queen Victoria. One can see why she never went back. It was like the green room for the Jeremy Kyle Show. All sat around with their iPads looking important and talking absolute rubbish. Except Mr Clegg, he’s got an etch-a-sketch.

When was the last, or the first time you bluffed your way into an event you weren’t officially invited to?

See above. And one photobombed BBC live news on a visit to New Broadcasting House last year. It did brighten up the lunchtime news bulletin. Camilla text to say she’d just seen Helen Mirren on the news and did one bump into her whilst one was there. Awkward.

When would you advocate bluffing it?

If you find yourself in a meeting with His Holiness the Pope.

Have you ever bluffed your way into getting a date?

Yes, one told Prince Phillip one was Queen of Greece (although to be fair, at the time one was quite convinced one was. In fact, it’s only recently that one’s started to play it down a bit, for obvious reasons).

What’s the best lie you ever told?

‘One is delighted to invite you to form a Government.’

And, what is the best lie you never told?

‘One absolutely categorically did not say fire!’

Have you ever committed, or witnessed, a major bluffing fail?

Yes, one witnesses major bluffing fails every week, it’s called Prime Minister’s Questions.

HM explains…

  1. The Royal Family: In charge
  2. Prince Harry: In the nude
  3. This year’s Queen’s Xmas Speech: In animation on Yahoo! Screen
  4. The Prime Minister: Insane
  5. Reigning: Pissing with reign
  6. #ginoclock: Indispensable

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