When looking for books about sex, the bluffer need not feel embarrassed or coy. Sex is a powerful thing. Right this minute, hundreds of millions of people are actively engaged in it (give or take a few million). And that’s not counting the ones actively engaged in it on their own. So it’s only right for a bluffer to need to know all he can about it – by reading the right books about sex … cue The Bluffer’s Guide to Sex.
NOT ALL BOOKS ABOUT SEX ARE THE SAME…
This short but definitive guide sets out to lead you through the main danger zones encountered in discussions about sex and to equip you with a vocabulary and evasive technique that will minimise the risk of being rumbled as a bluffer.
Unlike other books about sex, The Bluffer’s Guide to Sex will give you a few easy-to-learn tips and techniques that might even allow you to be accepted as a sexual expert of rare ability and experience. And it will do more. It will give you the key to the ultimate bluff: how to impress legions of marvelling listeners with your knowledge and insight – without anyone discovering that until you read it you didn’t know the difference between a Yab Yum and a Yoni.
5 terms no other books about sex will explain…
- Married sex Like going to the corner shop: there’s not much variety but, at three in the morning, it’s always there (though special offers are rare).
- Wank The name of a mountain in southern Germany, close to the Austrian border.
- Brewer’s droop Erectile failure when caught on the hop.
- Contraceptives Drugs or devices designed for use on every conceivable occasion.
- Dildo A penis substitute, usually more impressive than the original.
Exactly. But fear not, after reading this, one of the most revered books about sex, you will be a respected fount of knowledge about where to put what, commanding the rapt attention of your audience as you gently explain ‘how to do it’. You will also come away with intriguing aperçus into sexual depravity over the years, the ammunition to describe the perfect seduction, and information to help you avoid the more unpleasant consequences of sexual recklessness.
WHY ARE WE SO OBSESSED ABOUT SEX?
What Mae West called ‘emotion in motion’, and Sophia Loren once described as ‘like washing your face – just something you do because you have to’, sex is all around us. The theme of countless songs, books, poems, films and plays, it is the hook which sells – well, pretty much anything really.
Sex drives us. It makes us – and, for the over-ardent yet deliciously happy departing soul, it sometimes finishes us too. It is a vast source of global pleasure. Unusually, it even has the pleasing advantage of being relatively inexpensive, since the equipment is free.
SO TELL ME MORE ABOUT BOOKS ABOUT SEX?
With The Bluffer’s Guide to Sex, you’ll instantly acquire all the knowledge you need to pass as an expert in the world of sex, seduction and the sensual arts. Never again confuse a Flying Wallenda with an Inverted Wheelbarrow, food sex with vanilla sex, or a banjo string with a cupid stunt.
From sex toys and masturbation, to sexual positions and the history of sex, this is one of those books about sex that covers it all. After reading, you’ll be able to bask in the admiration of your fellow enthusiasts as you pronounce confidently on the comparative pleasures of identifying and arousing ‘P-spots’, ‘E-spots’ and ‘G-spots’, and effortlessly learn how to hold your own (figuratively speaking) against keen devotees of ‘frottage’.
So good luck and bon voyage for your journey reading The Bluffer’s Guide to Sex – one of the most comprehensive books about sex around. It is going to be something of a ride – better, perhaps, than the real thing …
… especially if it’s anything like this Monty Python sex education video by John Cleese.
DO SAY ‘A Cursory look at the design and anatomical positioning of the male and female sexual organs shows that when God designed Homo sapiens, aestheticism and ease of access were not high on the job description. The human genitalia are not exactly user-friendly.’
DON’T SAY ‘I feel that it’s time for our sex life to move on to the next stage. You don’t have a fear of rodents, do you?’