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An understanding of the fundamental principles of seduction is, as you might imagine, of paramount importance in the great game of amoré.


The art of flirting requires an intangible quality called charm, which comes naturally to some and tends to elude others. But rest assured that it can nonetheless be acquired (to a greater or lesser degree). There is one simple rule: make the object of your attention feel that there is nobody else at that moment whose company you would prefer. Ask questions, and express profound interest in the answers. It is the basis of all flirting (and good flirts are usually presumed to be fairly proficient in most other relevant departments).

Depending on its execution, a flirtation might well develop into a full-blown seduction, by turning a compliment into a proposition, for example: ‘Well, we’ve established that we find each other unbelievably attractive. So let’s see each other again.’ Note, however, that these questions are never actually asked. They are hinted at, and much use is made of eyes and innuendo. Studies have shown that up to 80% of communication between two people who are sexually interested in each other is non-verbal. After a few years of marriage this figure can rise to 100%…

The key word to remember when trekking in the foothills of flirtatiousness is ‘humour’. This is particularly true if you are a male seducer. For most women the ability to make them laugh is a key component of any successful seduction. But this must be achieved in the correct manner. It’s about engaging in witty rejoinders, with an emphasis on good-natured teasing. It is not about marching up to a woman and asking if she’s heard the one about the nun and the courgette.

Apart from demonstrating a sense of humour when flirting, there are a number of physical tips to be aware of:

Lower your voice

The idea is that your target will lean closer towards you and that proximity will make the whole encounter more sexually charged. Again, don’t overdo it, though, or you’ll make them suspect that you might be ill (not a good seduction routine). Also, remember not to deploy this particular technique after consumption of any dish with a high garlic or smoked fish content.

Mirror their body movements

This is an acknowledged way of showing that you’re attracted to someone. Mirroring promising signs such as leg crossing and uncrossing, chin in hand and head tilted, tracing a finger across lips, are all good ways of expressing your interest. Conversely, if you notice the person copying your movements you can be moderately confident that he or she is interested in you.

Brush their hand

Make contact when, for example, passing a glass of wine. Let your fingers rest momentarily on theirs. If they refrain from pulling away, it means they are welcoming your attention. If they flinch, you’ve got a long, long way to go.

Useful catalysts include

  1. Alcohol – Always reliable.
  2. Chocolate – A proven aphrodisiac (unlike that tired old cliché the oyster). The Aztecs, no strangers to a bit of hanky-panky, are the first on record to draw a link between the cocoa bean and sexual desire. (See The Bluffer’s Guide to Chocolate.)
  3. Cake – Equally reliable, except in the case of gluten allergy. Or a savoury tooth. In which case:
  4. Cheese – Particularly the melting variety such as Vacherin, which can be served baked. Sound surprising? So much the better, as it both works (assuming your target is fromage-friendly), and will provide ‘evidence’ of your unique erotic savoir faire to your enraptured audience.
  5. Retail Research – Sometimes, making your target feel special is the most effective technique of all. Gifts, especially those which demonstrate that you have taken an interest in your target’s personal tastes and passions, can prove to lower defences remarkably effectively.

Body language

Study your targets closely. Their attraction to you can be signified by a variety of movements, many of them completely subconscious.

When a man finds a woman attractive, the signals can include:

Standing with his hands on his hips

But if you’re looking for this sign, be careful to ensure that ‘hips’ are in the plural. If he stands with one hand on one hip it means he’s unlikely to find you, or indeed any woman, sexually attractive.

The ‘cowboy stance’

In this the man stands with his thumbs hooked underneath his belt, turns to face you and pushes one foot forward. Of course, whether you choose to pursue an interest in a man who chooses to adopt the opening position of a line-dance is up to you.

Spreading his legs slightly

The underlying message to this is self-explanatory. But you should take care as there are times when this stance can be misconstrued. He may simply be trying to keep his balance on a moving bus; he may be naturally bow-legged, or he might be Simon Cowell, in which case, you may wish to reflect on your decision making ability.

When a woman finds a man attractive, the signals can include:

Flicking her head to shake out her hair

Or touching her hair with her fingers. Let’s hope she doesn’t have nits.

Sliding a foot in and out of her shoe

Very Freudian. Or else she is waiting to leave.

Looking at you through lowered eyelids

It worked for Diana.

Letting her mouth open slightly

Poking out the very tip of her tongue and gently running it along her teeth. (N.B. if you’re intending to use this sign, be careful to keep it understated. Otherwise you may dribble involuntarily, or look like you have issues with dental hygiene.)

Maximum Bluffing Value

When talking to someone who attracts you, your tear glands become more active and your eyes glaze over. There is also a tendency for your pupils to dilate, which some experts think is the body’s way of seeing as much of the person attracting it as possible. You are quite literally getting an eyeful. Note, however, that glazed eyes by themselves could merely indicate he or she is about to fall asleep.

DON’T SAY ‘Hey babe, there’s a party going on in my pants and you’re invited.’

DO SAY (If you’re looking for a quick exit) ‘My wife/husband is threatening to leave and take the kids.’



Happy Bluffing!

Rebecca Newman

And here are a lot of strangers being filmed kissing for the very first time…

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